i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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