I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
