just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
