every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
