I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm really busy with my period
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