It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
