Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We need to get me chipped asap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
