I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
