the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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