I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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