We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
