google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
