it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
