I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
