I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
