you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
