Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
