Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
