So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
