Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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