Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
