I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The Olympian is in my bed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
