3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
