it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
