Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
