Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
