Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
