the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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