ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
