And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
