we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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