Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We need a shit load of segways right now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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