Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
