Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She even gives head with a lisp.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
