Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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