New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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