Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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