So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize