i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize