Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
