you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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