My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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