So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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