its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
