What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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