I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
