After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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