wanna go halves on a baby?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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