who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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