My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize