I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
