his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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