Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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