dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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