Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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