Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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