the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
