she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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