Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
