I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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