I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
