i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
