I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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