i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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