Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life