I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.