I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
