It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.