Don't make out with my wife yet
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dick very happy bro
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
