Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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